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My First Quarter Life Crisis

My First Quarter Life Crisis

Quarter Life Crisis 

A Quarter Life Crisis put simply is your transition to adulthood which can cause stress and uncertainty.

The uncertainty can be caused by moving away from your family home environment that you grew up in and trying to find out who you are without that stability.

This uncertainty can lead to having

  • Confusion around identity
  • Feelings of hopelessness
  • Lack of purpose

Expectations can play a part either your own high unrealistic expectations or pressure from parents, friends, family or society.

This uncertainty can cause you to ask you one or some of the following questions:

  • Who am I?
  • What is my purpose?
  • Did I pick the right career?
  • Is there more to life?
  • What do I want to do with my life?
  • Are my peers ahead of me?

The average age this occurs is 26 years and 9 months.

My Story: Primary School Teaching

I had always wanted to be a primary school teacher. I spent 2 years persevering with the degree and going on the teacher training placements in schools.

I remember feeling exhausted.
I remember feeling like I was making no impact.
I felt too young and I wanted some life experience (whatever that means).
I didn’t feel I had enough to give.
Something didn’t feel right but I had no idea what it was at the time.

I remember trying to see the career counselor at my University but the wait time was 3 months long and I felt I couldn’t wait that long. I needed to get out of my degree and fast.

Changing Degrees

I ended up changing degrees. I found the quickest way possible to get my degree, without losing too many credits and not having to do the teacher training placements in schools. I still lost 1 year. Now I also didn’t have a guaranteed career, you know, when you study something that gives you an actual job at the end such as a physio, doctor, nurse, lawyer, teacher, or accountant.

I ended up doing a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Education.

I also ended up with depression, not that I knew it then. I spent a month in bed not going to any classes. I did manage to get myself out of bed to drink alcohol and go out to the pubs in the weekend though #numbing.

I am not even sure to this day what finally got me properly out of bed – I mean for something other than eating, drinking, clubbing and occasionally work when I was running out of money. Maybe it was that assignment deadlines were looming and I couldn’t fail the semester. I mean fail every single paper, to me that wasn’t an option. I started contacting my lecturers and slowly taking steps forward to get through the last few weeks of the semester.

I went to a doctor who got me on the list to see the University Counsellor.

Slowly but surely I made my way through my degree.

I never took the time to think about what I wanted to do with my life, well not much anyway and the small time I did take looking at it I ignored what I found out. I wrote down this (see picture) at this time so obviously had some intuition where I would end up or what I wanted from life.

I looked at this for the first time since I wrote this last year (2018) when I was unpacking some boxes that had been stored at my parent’s house.  I must have written this in approximately 2002.  That is 16 years later.

Graduation

I remember when this photo was taken so clearly it feels like yesterday.

I thought I could do anything and achieve anything. Well that is what I thought but in reality

  • The jobs I was applying for didn’t require a degree
  • I had no idea what my values were.
  • I had no idea really what my strengths and weaknesses were.
  • I got no guidance or help, from people who had been there and done it before. Such as mentors, lecturers, coaches or counselors.

I can look back now and I know I didn’t have much self-love, self-worth or understanding of myself.

I was on autopilot.

Autopilot

By autopilot I mean I made no conscious decisions in my life. I took easy options.
I took the first job that I got offered. I had no idea what I was getting myself in for. It took me to Wellington. I hated my job. I did make some great friends that I am still friends with today and learned a lot.

Alongside that, I was in a relationship where I thought he was better than me. I didn’t think I deserved him. In turn, he didn’t treat me very well and I allowed it.  I didn’t set or maintain boundaries.  I was not prepared to leave him due to all the effort it had taken to get where we were. If I am honest I was also scared of being alone. I had been with someone since the age of 15.

I was miserable and unhappy.  I took no ownership for that and blamed everyone else.

Becoming the Pilot

I finally became the Pilot of my own life when we got engaged.  I decided I wanted to travel for 8 weeks before we got married.  It was the first thing I had done for myself in a very long time.

That decision changed my life.

Always remember you have the power to change your life.

It can be as simple as making 1 decision. A decision to change, or to do something differently.

Taking 1 action to move forward.

Become the pilot of your life and start planning your flight path.

One decision.

One step at a time.

You get to create your world!!!!

That is where your power lies!

How exciting does that sound?

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